Assault on The thing that controls the giant ring
by System Crashed
Summary: I hope they don't get distracted... we know they will. CH 5 is up Sequal to Halo VS Reality [Discontinued]
1. Wh05 Y0 D4DDy

Reality VS Halo – The Continuance of the Mission 

It was quiet on a platform in the tunnels of halo. This platform was particularly special because it was only a few kilometres to a temple or shrine that held the device that controlled this ring. On the platform, a solitary grunt was aimlessly wandering around while his comrades were sleeping. This grunt, whose name does not concern us because he is going to be killed soon, was pondering randomly.

"_Oh boy, I sure wish I'm sleeping right now, but I can't. If my elite commander finds me dozing off I will probably have to be 'off duty' for a while. Personally, I'm really getting tired of cleaning up after their beer parties. shudder Elite barf. I still remember when one soldier got so drunk that he lost control of his bladder as well as his anus. I HAD to take a nap that day. Something smells like my mom's methane pie." _

That's when a human dropship, known as the pelican rose up with the cockpit facing the grunt. He jumped up, screamed, pissed his pants, woke his comrades and ran to the door in that particular order. Foehammer, the pilot of the bird, started to talk with her special cargo… don't think naughty thoughts.

"This is as far as I can take you," she said, "If you stay on, you will eventually die because Bungie put a stupid barrier of death around 50 feet below this platform."

"Alright! The chief and I could take it from here…"

"Look at the grunts run… something must be up!" The chief jumped off from the pelican and headed towards the door that the crowd of covenant cannon fodder had previously went through seconds ago. It opened and he stood face to face with an elite.

"AHHHHH!"

"RAWRRRRR!"

WHACK!

"HEY! That could have hurt me badly!"

WHACK!

"That almost took down my shields!"

THUD!

"OUCH! I've got a lump now you idiot!"

WHUMP!

"OW! Everything getting dizzy…" The Chief decided to not take this abuse anymore. When the elite was preparing for the final blow, he reached his giant hand up and grabbed the alien's wrist. Since the elite can't melee and he can't shoot at close range, he just stood there. It was now the Spartan's turn to go on the offensive. He scolded him.

"How dare you hit your superiors! You should be ashamed of yourselves! Didn't your mother teach you any manners! Go to your room right now! Time for your spanking… forget that last part." The elite stood confused for a second, but then wrenched his hand free and started to deliver the final blow. "Well… This isn't working," thought the chief. He then ducked and delivered a full CLIP of armour-piercing goodies straight into the crotch of the elite.

"RAWR RAWR RAWRRRRRRR!" the N00b 1337 screamed as he fell down grabbing his genitals into a pool of his own bodily fluids.

Translation: "My balls are a river of BLOOD!"

"That's just gross…" The armoured serial killer then turned he attention to a group of grunts cowering in the corner. One of them was brave enough to shoot a plasma ball at the demon. However, the demon isn't as evil as they thought, so instead of torturing the grunts, he just gave them relatively quick and painless deaths by f-ing them in the face.

Moving on, the chief found himself inside a seemingly empty room. His motion-tracker said otherwise. _"Where is everyone…"_

Ef-you I-cant-see, the elite whose name had been mocked by every human he had met, wandered aimlessly after he re-spawned from the events of 'The Silent Cartographer'. He looked around. He was in a room of some sort, possibly forerunner. Several grunts were sleeping around him and some were awake and patrolling along with a couple of his kind. With nothing to do except prancing around, his mind began to wonder: _"Why was I placed here? What purpose do I serve in life? Why the hell do I smell organic waste from the un-tamed bowels of grunts?"_ Before he can go on any further with his thoughts, he caught a glimpse of a shadow that moved. _"I don't remember any invisible elites being assigned to this re-spawn point."_ An impossibly fast turn saved his life. He saw the demon slam the butt of a metal object into his chest, taking down half his shields. The demon, expecting him to be dead, backed off, but then saw he wasn't. Ef-you I-cant-see wasn't one of those stupid elites that would rather take a plasma grenade to the chest then take cover, so he acted like a grunt. He turned what's left of his tail and ran with bullets splashing on his shields. He didn't stop until he reached a bridge. He thought that would be a good place to hide. He stood and waited for his shields to re-charge… then he would avenge his fallen comrades.

Meanwhile… In the room where Cant-See ran from… And where the slaughter is commencing…

"Got any 7's?"

"Rawr, Rawr"

"_Go lick a grunt"(Go fish)_

"Yes or no!"

"Rawr!"

"_NO!"_

"I can't understand what you are saying!"

"RAWR, rawr Rawr?"

"_Can you understand the words that are coming out of my mouth?"_

"No, that's not how you play… why are we playing this anyways?"

"Rawr rawr?"

"_Dying wishes?"_

"Die!"

Splat!

And thus, the noble elite was given a violent, but quick and painless death by the ways of the assault rifle. The Chief reloaded his trusty A.R. and continued on in his un-stoppable path of destruction, leaving behind… well… destruction. He followed the arrow on the ground, which led him to another one of those automatic doors. Before the sensor even noticed him, the door opened and a pack of grunts came wobbling out towards him. "Sigh…" He aimed his gun towards the living target practice and pulled the trigger. CLICK "Well… crap." He braced for impact as waves upon waves of green plasma and needles came rushing towards him. They did and they missed, that's because the welders of covie sweatshop technology had the butt of an assault rifle jammed in their heads or their gas tanks. Chief then swapped his assault rifle for a plasma pistol. Not because he knows of its shield-taking-down abilities, but because he was afraid that needles on the needler would take one or both of his eyes out. Besides, needlers are for noobs.

"_Finally, my shields have recharged. Now, I have to prepare myself for battle."_ Ef-you I-cant-see placed one foot behind his head and balanced his plasma rifle on his foot. He then fell into a deep trance where nothing can disturb him, not even the loud blast of plasma and pistol fire blasting through grunts and jackals.

Plasma pistol in one hand and a M6D in the other, the green giant looked amongst the cool-coloured corpses of the covenant. He stepped forward triumphantly… into a hole where there had been glass before. "AHHHHH" THUMP Quickly correcting himself, he stared at an elite standing with one foot behind his head and his plasma rifle balanced on his foot. "What the…"

"Interesting. The weather patterns here seem natural, not artificial. I wonder if the ring's environment systems are malfunctioning or if the designers wanted the installation to have inclement weather." Ranted Cortana.

"I wonder why they call you artificial INTELLEGENCE?"

"Because I use big words, now shut up!"

The Master Chief was about to speak again when a handful of grunts shot at him. Their lives had just been cut back around three days short. "Damn grunts," he said forgetting about the elite in his 'meditation' position. "Let's move on."

And, so they did. They found, surprisingly, another automatic door on the other side of the bridge. I was expecting a wall. The door opened and hoards of covenant rushed out. The Master Chief was now in battle mode and was ready to kill.

"_Grunts" _He thought

BAM! BAM! BAM!

"Jackals" 

BAM! BAM! BAM! BAM! BAM! BAM! BAM! BAM! BAM!

"Reload" "Gold Elite with energy sword" 

"_I'm dead."_

"Use me!" Screamed Cortana.

"Why?"

"I am your shield… I AM your sword."

"Oy…"

To Be Continued… Or will it?… Yes it will…

Authors Note: Some people won't really get this chapter because it's a sequel of my previous fan-fiction: Halo VS Reality. The f-ing thing, well, the melee attack on the computer version of halo is 'f', so I just call it f-ing. And that joke at the end, you would have to see the halo 3 trailer to get it. This chapter isn't very good. This is kind of like a beta.


	2. Marines

**Reality VS Halo – Return of the Spork… For the Second Time!**

"_Oh, Shit…"_ thought the Master Chief as the elite in gold armor charged towards him, _"In these situations, it's best to do an inventory check… what do I have? I have a plasma pistol, a M6D, and the energy-shield coated, gundaminium plated, aldurium re-enforced Spork. THAT'S IT!"_ Being a Spartan and all, he whipped out the holy eating utensil and held it above his head. It contacted with the blade of plasma, holding it there, not budging. Chief then took out his captured plasma pistol and shot an overcharge into the elite, taking down its shield. The sheer force made it flinch and stumble backwards. The final strike was the Spork jammed right between the elite's eyes. Another field commander down, around 100,000,000 to go, but that wasn't his mission right now.

"I could have helped you, you know." Said Cortana crossly.

"Nigga, please!" The Chief replied in an extremely unorthodox manner. The comment alone might stun several readers because of the extreme out of character way that the Chief is behaving. So, Cortana was utterly in shock and won't be talking for a while. W00T! Oh, and by the way, they passed through the door on the other side.

Back on the bridge…

Ef-you I-Cant-See had finished his excruciatingly long masterba… I mean meditation and was ready for anything. He howled a long warrior cry and sprinted up the ramps to the top of the bridge. The ground was littered with cool-coloured blood, covenant dead bodies, and plasma based weapons. It seems like the demon had already been here. "**RAWR!**" _"**SHIT!**"_ It's time to go hunting again. I-Cant-See gathered up all the weapons into one big pile, as well as the body of the gold elite. He quickly switched his armour with that of the gold elite and painted it red. He liked red. That's why he is a red elite. As for the paint, he always keeps a spare can in his pocket just in case something significant needs to be 'red-ified'. He then dual wielded two plasma rifles as his primary weapon, and a needler and a plasma pistol as his second. He also stocked up on grenades, carrying twice what the game developers allowed him to carry. "Rawr Rawr RAWRRRRRR! WORT WORT WORT" _"Today is a good day to DIE you smooth headed demon! WORT WORT WORT" _He followed the path of destruction, knowing that it would lead him to the one that killed his comrades.

Meanwhile… I'm thinking of a new transition phrase.

In the slaughterhouse (the room after the door), the great Spartan was enjoying his favourite activity: grunt launching! However, there is unfortunately a ceiling in this room so the cannon fodder can only fly so high. Unknown to him, an invisible elite was trying desperately to melee him in the back, but the Chief kept moving, so he walked to the front of the chief, right as he was about to through a plasma grenade. One moment, the elite was looking directly at the chief's visor, the next he could only see blue. "Rawr?" _"WTF?" _

"Hmm… Plasma grenades aren't supposed to float in mid-air." The chief wondered out loud, "Maybe I'm supposed to back away because it looks like it could explode any second now."

**BOOB!**

The chain reaction activated some plasmas left on the ground by dead grunts, resulting in a huge explosion. "Yeah!" screamed the chief. Some deep cries of death could also be heard in the background. Right now, every in that room is dead except for the person in the mjnior armour. He walked around aimlessly looking for either a way out or something to do. He found some more pistol ammo on the ground, and luckily found a fully charged plasma pistol, as well as a health pack. He even found some Spork polish. The strangest of all findings was a pair of dead hunters lying on top of each other. He began to poke it with the Spork. He quickly got bored of that and followed the arrows on the ground, which led him to an elevator. He touched the SHINY control panel and the platform went down. Gravity seemed to fail a bit now because he can now jump really high and throw grenades even higher. When the elevator finally reached the bottom, he hurried out of it because the grenades are coming down fast. He then heard something horrible, so un-imaginably terrible, something that he left long ago. "Marines…" he growled.

Meanwhile… outside of the corridor… outside

Dom, the sniper of team Charlie, was stationed behind the main fighting force, well, sniping. "Watch out, Carroll, there's a" BAM! "Nevermind." He hardly does anything, but is quite a useful sniper.

Carroll was the leader of the team… as well as the victim of everyone's perverted thoughts, partly… mostly because she was the only female. "Shut up and snipe, Dom! I can handle myself," she said as she took a plasma bolt to the side. She then shot a couple rounds into Dom's general direction.

"I'd like to handle you too! Hehe, handle." Dom replied.

"You are so going to DIE!" She replied as she slammed the barrel of her assault rifle straight through a grunt.

"JOSH KILL!" Shouted the muscle behind the team, Josh. His job was cannon fodder, but he always somehow lives through it, so he has been dubbed as the thing that kills everything, aka, berserker. When he isn't in these crazy rages, he usually talks in a nice, civilized manner… usually.

An elite rushed towards John shooting plasma bolts. Josh stooped down, dodging the plasma aimed at his face and picked a covie pistol, over-charged it and unleashed its shield-taking down abilities towards the 1337. He staggered backwards and caught a full clip in his face, from the berserker.

"Evasive action everybody! The covies have a tank and a ghost!" Carroll shouted, CRACK "Okay, no ghost."

"Say thanks" Dom said.

"Thanks" said all the marines.

Dom continued sniping when purple plasma blobs distracted his vision. He looked towards the source and saw a tiny grunt cradled inside a tripod cannon. He was about to take the shot when he saw the grunt fall off flailing his arms. Dom did a quick sweep of the area to see the cause of the grunt's death and there it was: a 7-foot, half ton green cyborg. It was the Master Chief. "HOLY CRAP!" Dom exclaimed as he suddenly took out a little book from his utility pouch. He flipped to page 98 and read from it. "Wahoo! The Calvary has arrived!" He then threw the book up in the air and shot it with his sniper. "Stupid book."

"_Grunt on turret"_ Thought the Chief

BAM BAM BAM

"Elite" 

OVERCHARGE, PASHU, BAM BAM BAM BAM

"Jackals" 

CRACK

"What the…" 

RATATATATATA

KABOOM

"WOW! A mark V!"

"Glad you could join the party"

"Hello Master Chief"

"Cor… Nothing."

"_Sigh… Marines"_ the Chief thought, _"Just like last time."_ "Fine, brief me on the situation, then stand back" he muttered as he picked up the rocket launcher for the plasma pistol.

Carroll, being the leader of this squadron, began to talk, "The covenant have got us pinned down. We've got limited supplies. Here's let me introduce you to the team: This is Josh, he's our combat specialist. He always carries a jar of his special 'hyper fuel'. Once, he took down a whole covenant special ops force with his bare hands to defend that jar of his. This is Dom, the dumb-ass sniper. He just sits in the back and makes sexist comments. He's a jerk. And of course, I'm Lieutenant Wolf Carroll, commander of Charley company division #5. If you haven't noticed, I'm the only female marine that made it down here. Oh, and everybody else is just cannon fodder. Say 'Hello' cannon fodder!"

"Hello" said the rest of the marines.

"Yes, I understand" Said the Chief looking a little below Carroll's face. "I'll kill the covenant for you."

"… okay."

And, so Chief went on a killing spree with a rocket launcher, leaving the marines behind.

"You know, he's got the hots for you." Said Dom to Carroll.

"If he lays a hand on me, he's dead" She said fingering her assault rifle.

"Right… I wouldn't try anything. My sniper scope has a recording mode, and I've been recording." Whispered Dom slyly.

WHACK!

"Ouch." The sniper marine said as he fell to the ground.

"Anybody else want some?"

Josh started to speak, "Well, I was going to ask, but I don't really want to now."

The master chief came back with a smoking rocket launcher and stood where Dom was standing… and is now lying. CRUNCH "I'm back"

"Metal Boot… Crushing Lungs… Liver Bleeding… Self-Narration… Not Helping. "

"Let's keep going, shall we?" Said the Chief

"Need Air… and bio foam… lots of bio foam…"

The chief shifted his stance to better see Carroll's… let's just say Carroll.

CRUNCH "AHHHHHHHHH! TEH P41N!"

"Yes… Let's just keep going…" Carroll Replied. The Chief finally took his boot off of Dom.

"Sweet, Sweet relief… I see a light."

Josh took his flashlight away from Dom's eye. "Well, his pupils are dilating. He isn't dead, just… injured. He's fine." Josh then dragged Dom to his feet and pushed him forward. "Move it Marine!" Little do they know… they will meet more horrors… and more of their kind.

To Be Continued… (again)

Authors's Note: PLASMA PISTOL IS TEH ROXXORZ! Oh, and by the way, R&R!


	3. More Marines

Reality VS Halo 3 

It was a nice day outside. It was cool, and snowing. Despite the fact that there are craters all over the place, most of the snow was stained purple-blue, and the stench of rotting covenant was everywhere, it was nice.

The Master Chief and his small army were passing through the canyon to their ultimate goal of reaching the control centre of Halo. Running desperately behind the chief was Carroll; the former leader of the marines, behind her was Josh, carrying the injured Dom. Behind them were the cannon fodder carrying a wide range of weapons. They didn't walk for long before they discovered another battle taking place. A group of marines were valiantly fighting off covenant. One particular marine was pwning all with the plasma pistol / M6D pistol combination. One was loafing around shouting orders and another one was in the shadows, sniping. They all looked so annoyingly familiar. They were also positioned around a tank, a working tank.

If you haven't noticed, Tank + Master Chief **not good**.

"Well, they seem okay," said Dom as a marine took half a battery of plasma rifle in the face. "Let's just quietly sneak by them."

"No! We have to help them," said Carroll, "Right, Chief?"

The Master Chief stared at the tank, then at Carroll. "Tank… Boobies…" he muttered, "My dreams have come true!" THUD, a swift kick to the balls was delivered. "Um… Carroll? You know I can't feel anything down there right?"

"JOSH! KILL THE COVENANT SCUM!" She cried, but he was already in 'the mode'. Josh took a swig of his special juice and rushed towards the covenant, assault rifle blazing. An unlucky jackal happened to be in his way. He kind of stepped on him by 'accident'. He quickly rolled to the side as his target; the elite spotted him and unleashed a wave of plasma. Josh shot several rounds into the elite's face. The energy shield flashed, blinding the elite for a moment. The berserker took that opportunity to rush straight into the elite, do a back flip over him, and shatter his spine with the butt of his gun. Everybody stopped fighting and stared at him in awe as he continued to use his assault rifle as a boomerang to take out the grunts and finished off the jackals by stepping on them. It was all over within seconds. The smoke cleared and Josh heroically stepped out. One marine was retching in cheesy-ness. The others just kind of absorbed it. The two teams were finally united.

Minutes Later…

Master Chief was busy caressing the tank, enjoying every inch of its Titanium-A plated surface. "Mmm… yes, just think of the FUN we'll have when I DRIVE you." He muttered to himself. Unfortunately, his suit had loudspeakers. The marines/cannon fodder, however, was talking and enjoying their break. They all stopped and stared at the chief in an awkward silence, but then continued talking. Some of them were talking about the battle.

"Damn! If it wasn't for that show-off jerk, I could have handled it all on my own!" Shouted an egotistic marine from the second division.

"The fool rushes, and so do you. Stick to the shadows and you will live longer." Replied another one with a sniper. (Not Dom if you were thinking that)

"Speaking of living, we have new cannon fodder!" Exclaimed a third one, which is the self-assigned leader of division #2, "Which means you have a less chance of…" Everybody glared at him. "Nothing…"

Suddenly, the Chief, using his super-human sense of stealth, popped up from nowhere and scared the crap out of the marines. "Hey Guys! Let's all get on the tank and have some FUN!" He then saw the marines from division 2 for the first time. The great warrior suddenly cramped up and froze. His armour even turned a bit white as if he saw a ghost. "…You …can't be …Silent Cartographer …You… "

FLASHBACK! (FUN)

Kyle, the egotistic marine, watched along with his comrades as the pelican rose, cutting off their only hope of getting off this island. Behind them was a beach littered with covenant bodies and weapons. A shady marine, whose name is unknown, stood in the back expressionless. We decided to call him Mr. X. In the midst of this despair, a single, insignificant cannon fodder stepped up and proclaimed him leader. His name is Barney. They couldn't have gotten a worse leader. Marines, in his eyes, are exactly what they are: cannon fodder. His way of thinking is eerily identical to the Master Chief's way of thinking. "We have to continue this mission and survive this hellhole!"

"That's the biggest oxymoron I've ever heard"

RATATATATATATA

END FLASHBACK! (YEA)

Yes, It was indeed the marines from the silent cartographer mission. Barney, Mr. X, and Kyle, they are all here… except for the marine who received half a battery of plasma rifle in the face. He's on the floor bleeding. Master Chief suddenly remembers the tank and climbed in. The others, due to their programming, sat on the track pods. Dom and Mr. X sat in the front two because they have snipers, and Barney and Carroll sat on the back two because the covenant has to get through the front first… or so they thought. Kyle and Josh, due their 1337ness, took ghosts. The rest of the marines / walking ammo packs walked. The next challenge awaits them.

Meanwhile…

I-am-mee, the gold elite commander of a covenant army, and previous owner of the ultimate forking and spooning device lay naked on a bridge after the encounter with the master chief. He has no weapons except for an oversized, modified plasma rifle, which he only uses sparingly. His energy sword's fail-save activated and blew up. But if he ever finds the person that stole his armour, he is going to jam his plasma rifle so far up his butt that the perpetrator won't have the problem with constipation for a VERY long time. Right now, he has to find something to wear. He found a suit of red elite armour, laying on the ground, as if it was discarded. It fit oddly like a glove. It's not as strong as the gold one, but his skill will make up for it. He put the suit on and drew his trusty gun. He then followed the trail of the slaughter.

Several Hours later… (He got **very very **lost)

I-am-mee, the former gold elite stood on the edge of a platform where several grunts and elites were lying on the ground, dead. He bent down and picked up a data crystal from the grunt's recording device, much like Jenkins', and inserted it into his Hemet cam.

REW

PLAY

The grunt was on a covenant drop ship with his grunt buddies. They were discussing about the lack of sleep, off duty and the elite beer party, which the grunts were responsible for cleaning up. I-am-mee sighed. Good times. Especially when they realized that the piñata was actually a rock. He really wanted the candy. "_Mmm… Candy"_ he thought.

FF

STOP

PLAY

The grunt was in his little tent that he set up. He was replacing the urine absorption cartridge in the anal unit of his armour. He was loudly recalling his accident. "Stupid elite jumped up and said BOO. At least I had a light lunch and didn't drink much, unlike Yappy in the next tent. Boy, I'm pretty sure his tent is half full in poop right now. I could smell it from here. I've never seen so much stuff spray out so fast."

"My… Ass…" Yappy groaned in the next tent.

I-am-mee chuckled and continued.

FF

STOP

PLAY

The grunt was pacing around the platform that I-am-mee was standing on now. This grunt was obviously thinking to him. His comrades were all asleep. Suddenly, a human drop ship rose out of nowhere and the grunt ran away and huddled in a corner with all his grunt buddies. The next thing he saw was the butt of a human weapon smashing his face in.

UNEXPECTED END RECORDING.

MIA? KIA?

The gold elite commander ejected the data crystal out of his helmet and placed it back on the ground. He then cleared his throat. "**S... **" He swore so loud that it echoed. It's NOT supposed to echo. Now he finally realized that he was supposed to the trail of death the OTHER way. After his temper tantrum, he set out following the dead bodies, knowing it would ultimately lead him to the green demon.

To Be Continued... (I really need a new cliffhanger ending)

Author's Note: I need a vacation.


	4. Battle Talking and Post Battle Talking

Reality VS Halo 4 

When people get into a game, people really get into it. They can feel their environment, they can see depth, and they can taste the air and feel the pleasure of f-ing someone from behind. For them, this is reality, not Halo.

NETWORK CONNECTION ESTABLISHED… LOADING MAP BLOOD GULCH

Welcome Slowpoke

Panda Bear: Hey slowpokemon

Slowpoke: hey!

Panda Bear: Let's try to blast out of BG

Slowpoke: Kay

Panda Bear: No death cheat is on!

Slowpoke: Kay

BOOM!

Slowpoke: Dudzorz, I'm flying!

BOOM!

Panda Bear: So am I!

Meanwhile, on the other side of the ring…

The rumble of the scorpion main battle tank filled the canyon as the beast crawled towards its ultimate target of the control centre. Okay, at the rate the tank is going, I think it needs a closer target… say… that rock over there. The 'last Spartan' was in the pilot cage, manipulating this powerful machine, and complaining about its speed.

"Grumble… stupid slow tank… can't even… GRUNT!"

BOOM

"OMFG! I LOVE TANK!"

Okay, he's not complaining anymore. He's now babbling to the marines around him (sitting on tank treads and one in a ghost near by) about the greatness of the tank. The marines, however, are just ignoring the chief as usual and were talking about random occurrences in the environment, while casually shooting down random covenant that seemingly pops out of nowhere.

"Hey, Carroll, ever though of getting it on with moi?" Asked Dom randomly.

"DIE!" She cried as she pointed her assault rifle in Dom's general and fired. The armour piercing rounds ripped through a group of grunts and cut them down like a hot knife through butter. "I'm sorry, what did you say?"

"… nothing?"

Ironically, Dom couldn't have picked a better time to ask, and couldn't have picked a better response for the answer. On the other side of the tank, absolutely no flirting was going on, just pure battling.

"Elite! 3 o'clock!" Barney barked as a ghost piloted by Kyle ran it over.

"Dudz0r5!1!1! 1'm 337 y0!1!" Kyle screamed afterwards. How he managed to SAY the whole thing, leetspeak included, is a mystery to the modern world. Mr. X just sat there and shook his head.

"OMG! Kyle's leetness has reached a whole new level!" Barney exclaimed, "A level that's impossible for a marine! He must have become a leet marine! ME TOO! I WANT TO BECOME ONE TOO!

"l\l 0."

"Fine, I'll invent my own language… um… it's called leat! And… um… I'm ELITE YO!"

"l\l00BZ0r, j00 5UcK. j0 0\/\/l\l \/\/0rd5 p\/\/l\l j00."

(Noobzor, you suck. your own words pwned you)

_Translation: "No, just… no. That's SAD,LAME, and WRONG all at the same time."_

"What?"

"You just got pwned… twice!" said Mr. X with a chuckle.

"… EMO MODE!." Barney said silently as he took out his M6D pistol and pulled the trigger... … "Damn! Jammed! I guess I have to live this lonely life." he then bursted into tears. "WHAAAAAAAAA…"

Okay… not so much battling anymore. SCENE SWITCH!

Ef-you I-cant-see had travelled down the forerunner elevator to the lower level of the canyon. He exited the shaft and out the tunnel to witness the damage done to the twelfth regiment of the covenant army. Bodies lay twisted in strange positions, some were on fire, and some you can't find enough pieces to fill a small shopping bag. This race suffered a great defeat today. But wait! Some of them are still alive, begging for their comrades to put them out of their misery! But only one grunt was wandering the battlefield doing absolutely nothing. I-cant-see walked calmly to the grunt, who had been hiding for the entire battle. The grunt was obliviously in shock, and was holding a large container of sugar. "Rawr Rawr RAWRRR!" _"What happened here?"_

May I note that the grunt is also very hyper: "The demon and the marines and the BOOM and the pwnage and the slaughter and the TATATATATATATA and the AHHHH and the BLAH and the CUPCAKES!" The hyper-sugared grunt said while gesticulating.

"Rawr?" I-cant-see replied with an annoyed voice.

"_What?"_

"GUNTURRET, PSU PSU PSU Then demon goes BAM BAM, and I go BLAH, pretend to dead, but then BOOM! Purple tank go bye bye, Then PWNAGE! And B33R! B33R GOOD!"

"RAWR RAWR RAWR!" _"I don't understand you!" _The phoney gold elite replied, with a murderous hint in his voice.

The sugar high grunt took another sip of his sugar drink and continued. "DEMON! BOOM BOOM! PWNAGE! KILLINGNESS! T3H HORROR!"

Finally giving up on the grunt, I-cant-see examined the situation for himself. _"Hmm… It seems like you were on a gun turret shooting down marines. But then the demon came and shot two bullets in your general direction. You fell off the gun turret pretending to be dead, while observing the battle. He then teamed up with the marines and badly pwnt your small fighting force. They even blew up our wraith tank. It was very horrible."_

The grunt had finally calmed down and stared at him in disbelief. "The gold-elite-fake commander was the most awesome detective ever!" He thought. He wanted to join the elite in what every quest he was going to go on. "Me Join whatever you going to quest for!"

"_Um… okay. Just don't be annoying… and don't talk about food nipples on mother ships. I've tried to drink from it once. The explosive diarrhea was NOT worth it."_

"…"

Three maddening hours later…

"And that's why I don't have caffeine! Anyways, what anime do you like? I like this particular one called One Piece! It has pirates! PIRATES! Argh! Haha! It also has this one person that is stretchy! I forgot his name! I think it was Mr. Stretchy or something! He stretches SOO FAR! He is my idol! I tried stretching like that once! It Hurt! They also took away my one-piece collection including DVDs of the whole thing! I don't know why they did that, something about the sanity of the whole crew! But…"

"_STOP! STOP FOR THE LOVE OF GOD! YOU HAVE BEEN TALKING FOR THREE FRIGGEN HOURS! HOW YOUR VOLCAL CORDS ARE STILL FUNCTIONING IS ONE OF THE BIGGEST UNEXPLAINED PHENOMENS OF THE MODERN WORLD! FOR THE LOVE OF GOD **STOP!"**_

"… So I've heard of another anime called Pokemon. I heard, to the humans, they treat it as a god! I bet I could be a Pokemon if I wanted to, I could have been called Gruntymon! But no! That stupid Nintendo thought I wasn't cute enough…" the grunt then pulled off his methane gas mask and showed the elite his lamprey-like jaw, "Do you think I'm cute?"

"_AHHHHH!"_ Ef-you I-cant-see pulled out one of his many commandeered plasma pistols and placed it in his mouth…… _"Damn, out of batteries, NOOOOOO" _

TO BE CONTINUED…

Will Ef-you I-cant-see die in peace?

Will The Master Chief and the marines EVER get to the control room on the slow, but powerful tank?

And what the heck happened to I-am-mee?

Find out on the next and final episode of Reality VS Halo!

Author's Notes: Just Kidding! The next one isn't the final episode of RVH. It's just a test to see if you actually read the author's notes. I've been looking at my hits and I'm sad. NO ONE READS! But lots of ppl review: ) I'm sorry that this chapter is so short, but we're getting there aren't we? Hehehe, I used the f-ing joke again! That one never gets old.


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